Since we have been home, we have learned that Lydia will need to go to the cath lab to get an Amplatzer for PDA. We will have been home 3 weeks on Thursday. Already we have been twice to the pediatrician and spent half a day at the cardiologist getting test ran. Along with trying to adjust, she has gone through so much already.
Some days I just feel really angry and sad all at the same time. Yesterday, Lydia was back at the doctor. This time for bloodwork and to begin immunizations. When her ears were check they were still infected with heavy buildup again. Another painful and upsetting cleaning on top of everything else. Makes me wonder how many times she has had untreated ear infections. Makes me wonder if anyone every held her when she was hurting, scared, or felt yucky. Makes me terrified for all the orphans that still remain with no one to hold them and make sure they get medical care or even enough healthy food to eat. We are so stinking blessed that we cannot see it most of the time. I so often worry over trivial things while there are children that are just trying to survive without the basics. I positively hate that when she is finally home that she has so much to go through. But no doubt the crazy amount of love we have for this little life will cause some real heart sifting as we walk with her (praise God if we can come out with just a couple more rough edges knocked off). I still have no idea how God could see fit to bless us so greatly with her. Every one of us (except Kenneth hasn’t met her yet) are head over heals in love. She brings such incredible joy into our home. Last night Jim and I were saying, what if we hadn’t been obedient and stepped forward? It is heart crushing to even think we could have missed doing life with this little peanut. Yet, it would have been so easy so many times to say it just doesn’t make sense or isn’t possible. It was not possible. . .except by God. We could have never completed this adoption and honestly selfishly would not have desired to. But it slays me to think that had I only considered my selfish desires I would have missed our precious Lydia Joy. What God has for us is always better than any dream we can dream!
This picture is a little fuzzy but it is my favorite of her so far. Love this sweet sweet little soul!